dan allen | comedian, poet, and scientific philosopher |

December 30, 2005

Fairy Tale vs Religion

I don't know what's harder to believe.

The existence of Santa Claus or that Jesus's heart pumps Welch's Grape Juice through his body.

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dan·ism - (n)

a principal philosophy and system of religion of Astoria, Queens based upon the teachings of a guy named Danocrates Allenopolos in the 21st century.

Never eat cotton candy in the rain.

My battery charger is a necromancer.

Do healthy vampires prey on vegans?

An annoying German designer is called a deutschbag.

Spanish dictionaries should be called Mexicons.

I'm writing a biography about Kevin Bacon in the sixth person.

Photographic memory is an outdated technology.

How did they describe a person who had a photographic memory prior to 1827?

I refuse to drink tap water, unless it’s disguised in a water fountain or as an ice cube.

If you eat a mermaid, are you considered a cannibal or a sushi lover?

Do cucumber farmers eventually become gay?

I thought I was intelligent, but I have to spell-check Einstein's name.

If pediatricians are doctors who treat children and pedophiles are adults who are attracted to children then pedestrians are people who ride children.

Are balloons appropriate at a funeral? I guess you send black ones or chocolates in a coffin-shaped box.

I need to work on my quads, my agent called me and said they needed a leg model for a film about FDR.

Eating an unwashed strawberry is like blowing a Mexican.

Autodidacts become hyperpolysyllabicsesquipedalianist because they are intellectually insecure.

Click here to find out more about my Christian boy band in high school.

ode to a chicken bouillon

I am a chicken bouillon

Square

Unmoving

A flavored crouton

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Soup potential

Some people are minestrone

Some people are chowder

I am broth to be

Give me water and set me free

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dan allen | comedian | poet | scientific philosopher |